I don't know. This blog is full of sadness. It's also full of hope. However, it's full of sadness nonetheless. Perhaps that's kind of why my writing has declined for this blog. It's a reminder of my sadness, which perpetuates the sadness... I guess I can stop focusing on the sadness and start focusing on the positive aspect of my life, which would hopefully steer the tone of my blog towards the opposite way.
For the most part, I've been focusing on my travel blog. It's new, so no relative effort is necessary to prevent it from falling into a negatively-toned pattern. I think at the moment, I will focus on that blog. It's currently what's fueling my writing. The future as my muse and hope. Doesn't sound nice?
Until I'm ready to write in this blog again, you can find my most recent blogs at:
http://thetravelingthought.blogspot.com/
Who knows? Perhaps once I come back from my study abroad trip, I would have found myself and the creative muse to revive this personal blog of mine. Until then, I want to focus on an aspect of my life that is giving me hope. For that you can find me here.
A tout a l'heur mes amis,
Kenneth
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
HIV Scare and Bad Doctors
On my last post, I wrote about my fears of having contracted HIV. I acted irresponsibly during two occasions and linked an event that followed as a consequence. It was the uncertainty that scared me and having to wait a whole week before getting tested in order to improve the accuracy of the test(s).
Last Friday, I changed doctors from the one my parents had me signed up for (a pediatrician) to someone that dealt more with adults (an internist). When I got to the doctor's office they actually told me that the doctor I had switched to was an "attending", which meant she supervised new doctors doing their residency. For me, this meant that I would be seen by someone recently just got their medical degree. She was a this petite Asian doctor. I felt at ease at first, but once I started talking about my reasons for being there things got pretty ridiculous.
I am the type of person who won't keep things from my doctor. It may be uncomfortable to disclose certain things to complete strangers (even a doctor), but I know that in order to get the best service, I had to be honest. I flat out told her that I am sexually active with men and that the reason for my visit was a routine physical along with HIV and STD tests. She asked me questions and I would answer them completely and honestly. However, it seemed to make her feel uncomfortable how honest I was, which made me somewhat uncomfortable. The whole time she was asking me her set list of questions she was looking at the computer screen; no eye contact whatsoever. She seemed more preoccupied with reading me her list of questions rather than my actual well-being.
Then came the time for her to do the physical. She told me to get undressed. I asked her if she wanted me to completely undress or just down to my underwear. She said whatever I felt like, if I wanted to get checked down there then to completely undress. If not, then just to my underwear. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Um, I want a complete physical, what do you think? You're the doctor, you should know what I need to be checked for and how to do it." She then basically dashed out of the room seeming somewhat flustered and not completely shutting the door. Hmmm. Yea, okay. Fucking prude. I just started laughing to myself. When she came back she said, "Oh," with a high intonation as if she's surprised that I'm laying down on the examining table completely naked. I don't think she really knew what she was doing. After less than a minute, she told me I could get dressed again and we'll start talking about the HIV and STD tests when I'm ready.
When she came back, she told me to just go downstairs to get the tests done. And that was it. She didn't tell me anything else about what sort of tests they were and what sort of STDs I was getting tested for or any other supplementary information I should have/know. So I looked her straight in the face and asked her, "What sort of HIV test is it? Which generation? Is it ELISA or the 4th generation PCR test?" Her flustered response was, "Oh, I don't know. I think we have ELISA. Let me check with the attending doctor." Then I rebutted, "I mean, is it the rapid antibody test or is it the 4th generation test that actually detects the virus itself?" She left for what seemed like 5 minutes and came back saying, "It's a blood test. And yes, it's the latest generation of HIV test." She said the last statement triumphantly (with a slight smile on her face) and slightly defensively as if she proved herself to me that she knew what she was talking about and still had a credible opinion. I could tell that she was somewhat unnerved that I made her seem uninformed with my questions. I called my insurance the next day and asked them to change my primary care physician.
Two days after my encounter with Dr. Prude, she called me back to tell me that I didn't have HIV or any of the other STDS I got tested for.
After this whole ordeal, I think I'm going to be celibate for a while.
Last Friday, I changed doctors from the one my parents had me signed up for (a pediatrician) to someone that dealt more with adults (an internist). When I got to the doctor's office they actually told me that the doctor I had switched to was an "attending", which meant she supervised new doctors doing their residency. For me, this meant that I would be seen by someone recently just got their medical degree. She was a this petite Asian doctor. I felt at ease at first, but once I started talking about my reasons for being there things got pretty ridiculous.
I am the type of person who won't keep things from my doctor. It may be uncomfortable to disclose certain things to complete strangers (even a doctor), but I know that in order to get the best service, I had to be honest. I flat out told her that I am sexually active with men and that the reason for my visit was a routine physical along with HIV and STD tests. She asked me questions and I would answer them completely and honestly. However, it seemed to make her feel uncomfortable how honest I was, which made me somewhat uncomfortable. The whole time she was asking me her set list of questions she was looking at the computer screen; no eye contact whatsoever. She seemed more preoccupied with reading me her list of questions rather than my actual well-being.
Then came the time for her to do the physical. She told me to get undressed. I asked her if she wanted me to completely undress or just down to my underwear. She said whatever I felt like, if I wanted to get checked down there then to completely undress. If not, then just to my underwear. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Um, I want a complete physical, what do you think? You're the doctor, you should know what I need to be checked for and how to do it." She then basically dashed out of the room seeming somewhat flustered and not completely shutting the door. Hmmm. Yea, okay. Fucking prude. I just started laughing to myself. When she came back she said, "Oh," with a high intonation as if she's surprised that I'm laying down on the examining table completely naked. I don't think she really knew what she was doing. After less than a minute, she told me I could get dressed again and we'll start talking about the HIV and STD tests when I'm ready.
When she came back, she told me to just go downstairs to get the tests done. And that was it. She didn't tell me anything else about what sort of tests they were and what sort of STDs I was getting tested for or any other supplementary information I should have/know. So I looked her straight in the face and asked her, "What sort of HIV test is it? Which generation? Is it ELISA or the 4th generation PCR test?" Her flustered response was, "Oh, I don't know. I think we have ELISA. Let me check with the attending doctor." Then I rebutted, "I mean, is it the rapid antibody test or is it the 4th generation test that actually detects the virus itself?" She left for what seemed like 5 minutes and came back saying, "It's a blood test. And yes, it's the latest generation of HIV test." She said the last statement triumphantly (with a slight smile on her face) and slightly defensively as if she proved herself to me that she knew what she was talking about and still had a credible opinion. I could tell that she was somewhat unnerved that I made her seem uninformed with my questions. I called my insurance the next day and asked them to change my primary care physician.
Two days after my encounter with Dr. Prude, she called me back to tell me that I didn't have HIV or any of the other STDS I got tested for.
After this whole ordeal, I think I'm going to be celibate for a while.
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