Food doesn't take as good as skinny feels. -Kate Moss
I've been telling myself this for the past few weeks. Whenever I feel like I'm about to indulge on a cupcake (or leftover Chinese take-out) past 11pm, I repeat the words, "Food doesn't taste as good as skinny feels." I say it two or three times and it tends to keep me from indulging.
For some time now my physical image has been a constant, active concern in my mind. Ever since I took on that job in retail a few months ago I realized how much my image truly mattered. Hence why I quit the job. Among other things, I couldn't stand the pressure of being systematically judged for how I looked... especially being constantly aware of it. Sure, I've always been decently dressed.
The problem has been the body that puts itself in the clothes bought.
When I was in middle school and early on in high school my clothes ran from medium to large. After some time, I lost weight and realized that clothes running in small sizes were a better fit. I went from ~167 lbs. when I was in middle school and got to my lowest weight of ~135 lbs. just due to puberty kicking in. Clothes became more flattering, I was given a greater range of choices in clothes, and I gained more confidence. However, now that my metabolism is starting to slow down and physical education/workouts are no longer mandated, as they were throughout elementary and high school, I have become more conscious of my body image. I've started to gain back the weight. I can no longer eat an order of 10-piece chicken McNuggets, two Big Macs, large fries, and a large sweet tea everyday after school. My metabolism can longer process it all as quickly as it used to.
Realistically, I've reached the peak of my metabolism and now keeping off the weight will depend on my choices, not the automated, inner workings of my body.
I've taken on another retail job, which I will be starting at next week. (Don't worry, I left my food service job on good terms.) I will be the first batch of employees hired as it is a new store opening in the city. Surprisingly, it's a job I never thought I could attain, not even get an interview for. I sent in an application just for the heck of it one night. Surprisingly, they called me for an interview, and after two interviews, I was hired. Now, my greatest concern is being prepared for the job. Yes, they will train me on proper protocol, the brand/company's history, the lingo, etc. Meanwhile, I will personally have to take into my own hands the state of my body: clearing up my acne (as much as I can under my control) and getting my body in a much fitter shape.
Either a) I keep denying the fact that I will have to start wearing clothes running in sizes medium/large if I don't take action, b) lose the weight, or c) stay on the path I'm on and just choose clothing in sizes larger than a small. I choose the second option. I will lose the weight.
So where do I go on from here?
Realistically, I've reached the peak of my metabolism and now keeping off the weight will depend on my choices, not the automated, inner workings of my body.
I've taken on another retail job, which I will be starting at next week. (Don't worry, I left my food service job on good terms.) I will be the first batch of employees hired as it is a new store opening in the city. Surprisingly, it's a job I never thought I could attain, not even get an interview for. I sent in an application just for the heck of it one night. Surprisingly, they called me for an interview, and after two interviews, I was hired. Now, my greatest concern is being prepared for the job. Yes, they will train me on proper protocol, the brand/company's history, the lingo, etc. Meanwhile, I will personally have to take into my own hands the state of my body: clearing up my acne (as much as I can under my control) and getting my body in a much fitter shape.
Either a) I keep denying the fact that I will have to start wearing clothes running in sizes medium/large if I don't take action, b) lose the weight, or c) stay on the path I'm on and just choose clothing in sizes larger than a small. I choose the second option. I will lose the weight.
So where do I go on from here?
