Staying True to Myself

Since my last post, I've quit my retail job. I did a no-call, no-show last night, to be exact. I wrote up my two weeks notice and was planning to turn it in during my shift Friday night. However, I decided against it and decided that sleeping on it for another day would be wise. I'm sure the fact that my new hot coworker asked for my number that same night had something to do with it. Also, my shift that night wasn't too bad, which made me realize that I should thinks things through a little more. However, in the end, I decided that working in retail just wasn't for me. I couldn't endure going back in for another day, so enduring another two weeks was really out of the question. Yes, it was unprofessional of me to abandon my job, but I really couldn't put myself through anymore of it.

Hey, I wasn't under contract and both parties have the liberty to cut ties with no fair warning. They could fire any employee without any warning, often on the spot, which I'm sure they do. On the contrary, rarely does an employee practice his/her freedom to cut ties with a job in such a manner. (Way to rationalize)

1) I dreaded coming in everyday.
2) I didn't feel happy on the job for the most part.
3) The customers were inconsiderate.
4) Some of my coworkers were overly-pretentious beyond their payroll.
5) Even seeing my check couldn't make me say, "It's worth it."

The managers loved me and most of the employees loved me as well, so I didn't leave because of conflict or anything like that. After my first day on the job, one of my managers said that she'd love to suggest me for a promotion me due to my exemplified work ethic, ability to adapt quickly, and my positive attitude. The job itself was going well for me in terms of my ability to do the job, but the job just didn't resonate with what I wanted out of my time... or life.

Before getting this retail job, I idealized the idea of working in fashion retail. Being able to dress up, not having to physically strain myself, and gaining fashion-related knowledge as well as experience seemed so attractive to me. Unfortunately, it wasn't what I expected. I became more self-conscious... more than I would have liked. I was mentally, emotionally, AND physically exhausted after each of my shifts.

I believe that I was pushing myself to be something I wasn't or didn't want to be. I had this ideal self-image of being fashionable and working in retail in the city. After obtaining the opportunity to be "that person", I felt so out of touch with myself. I found myself more stressed, temperamental, and simply unhappy. I realized that I was trying to force myself into a mold I simply could not fit into. I was starting to resent myself and not even realize it.

A few hours before my last attended shift, I went to Evanston to watch a movie before heading to work. I had an hour or so to spare before my movie showing, and since I was in the area I visited my previous employment to say hi to my former coworkers. My general manager was there and I chit-chatted with her a bit. I became pretty nostalgic and started to compare my time there and my experiences at my retail job. With the former, I may have felt physically exhausted by the end of my shifts, but I enjoyed what I did. I laughed, joked, and really felt a sense of family with them. On the contrary, with my retail job, I felt like an outsider. Sure, it was a new job and everyone feels like an outsider when starting at a new place. However, I felt like even when I would try to include myself and be open, I would be disrespected. There was a sense of authenticity and warmth lacking whenever I would interact with a few of my retail coworkers. It was a job and we can't always expect to like where we work, but when I couldn't even say that the money or experience was worth it, I realized that I was exposing myself to unnecessary hardship.

So I quit. I'm happier. I find myself more at ease. I came to the conclusion that I don't have to work with clothes at minimum wage in order to feel good about myself physically or to consider myself fashionable. If I do have an interest or passion for fashion, then it's something that should be exemplified by my lifestyle in general, and not something I have to explicitly force on myself.

I believe that I've chosen the right path for me by letting go of my exaggerated ideal self-image.

Sure, jobs are hard to come by and there are those that aren't fortunate enough to be hired in this economy, but why waste your limited time in this world enduring a job you are unhappy with? No job is worth crying over, losing sleep over, or stressing over when you're not even on the clock. I want to work to live, but not live to work.