I'm Used to Rejection

I went to a movie with a guy last night. We were planning on going on a date this upcoming Friday, but he said he couldn't wait to see me. So we decided to go see a movie around 8pm since I got off work at exactly 8pm.

I met him inside the theater rather than our planned rendezvous at my work since I was running a little late. Simply put, he was human. He looked like the person depicted in his pictures. The movie previews were already playing when I got there, so it was somewhat difficult for us to have the first first-date conversation: How are you? Do you go to school? Where? What do you do for work? Any plans for the summer? Blah. Blah. Blah. He told me that he recently just finished his undergrad and he was going to get his masters at Juilliard in New York in the Fall. I figured that we won't be able to develop anything more serious or that there wouldn't be a point in attempting to do so... considering that he would be leaving the state in a few months. However, a part of me still thought we could have something, a friendship or a romantic Summer fling perhaps.

Throughout the movie, he would hold my hand, caress it, or caress my leg. It got to the point where he started fondling me through my shorts while watching the movie. I wasn't turned on, but I allowed him to continue. I also started fondling him just because I thought it'd be rude/awkward not to reciprocate his attempts. It was obvious he was enjoying it and getting turned on. For most of the movie, we just held hands or he would caress my arm or hand. We kissed a few times throughout the movie and it was all right.

Towards the end of the movie, about ten or so minutes before, he said he had to leave. He said that his roommate locked herself out of their apartment and that he had to go let her in. He told me to text him once the movie was done. So after the movie, I did text him. I told him that it was a pleasure meeting him, that I enjoyed the movie, and hopefully his roommate was okay. He didn't respond. After an hour, nothing. This morning, I still have yet to hear from him. At this point, I get the message.

If something like this was to happen to me a year or two ago, I would be quite upset. However, surprisingly, I'm not. Should the fact that I'm not upset upset me even more? A part of me thinks that I've become so accustomed to rejection that it has become so easy for me to shrug it off. Should it ever be that easy or have I just become too numb or jaded? Sure, I wasn't turned on by his sexual attempts, but should that be held against me? Was he holding it against me? I'm just not the type that's interested in sexual advances during a first date. Sure, I tried to reciprocate his actions, but it wasn't for my benefit; I thought it was what he wanted.

I'm just rambling at this point... In any case, even though a part of me can just shrug it off another part of me is disappointed. The latter is wondering if I did something wrong. What part of me he disliked. Sure, I understand that he realized his lack of interest in me, but to make an excuse and run out of a movie ten minutes before it's done in order to avoid me? Really? Was that necessary? Couldn't things have ended with some sort of civility and mutual respect for one another? Perhaps even with just a little honesty?

Perhaps his roommate truly was locked out of their apartment. However, by the looks of his unresponsiveness, it makes me speculate otherwise. I just wonder: Am I really that disappointing to men? This experience has just made me realize even more why I should stay single for the next few months before I go to Rome next Spring. I don't need the unnecessary stress or expense of a man at the moment.