I'm afraid of death. Who isn't, right? It's like a debilitating fear, for me, however. I've mentioned it before and labeled my situation as "thanatophobia". Should I be labeling it as such? A part of me believes it to be true, but another part of me perhaps just doesn't understand or know how to live...
Whenever I think of death, I find myself saying, "What's the point of it all?" What's the point of building myself up if all that will happen will simply crumble through death? What's the point of loving, attaching myself to others, or even finding what I'm passionate about if such things will inevitably flee from me? It scares me and makes me want nothing more than to crawl into bed and not get up. In a sense, I feel as if I'm trying to fight against death by trying to make sure that death would have nothing to take from me...
Then I realized: I'm giving away my life into the nothingness. Each moment, each passing second, each possibility I don't grasp is a portion of life I'm voluntarily letting go by staying idle.
I'm afraid of death. Everyone is. I don't have a say as to how my life will end... However, I do have control over how my life could be lived. I still don't understand life. Ultimately, I don't understand myself.
So many questions but so little time to define who you are and what your legacy will be.
ReplyDeleteI read today that there's not such thing as happy endings, just happy moments.
ReplyDeleteWe may not have a happy ending if you see dying and death as negative, but the narrative arc that takes us there, our lives, takes us to moments of happiness. Maybe it's enough, maybe it's not.
I don't really try to understand anything anymore, just live it.
The old cliche is so true; 'Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die'. Every living thing on this planet will die so we have lots of company. One of the fringe benefits of growing old and frail is that dying is not so bad if it means getting rid of your old worn-out painful body. People who have almost died and come back have said in most cases it was not such a bad experience. I remember being put under general anesthesia and I could have been dead as far as I was concerned lol. I don't fear death in itself; I view it more as a release and I have lived my life so that I can go with a clear conscience. What I don't want is a whole lot of pain for months before I go; no extraordinary measures to keep me alive please doc!
ReplyDelete-I also don't believe we retain our individual identity and memory when we die, movie themes to the contrary. Why? Ever seen an Alzheimer's patient? All the neural connections that made that personality and memory are gone; like a hard drive that has been wiped. I think that life is a collective consciousness; what is the point of the universe and existence without a consciousness to recognize it?
-So we are afraid of death cos we are afraid of the unknown, and the drive for life is instinctual; Mme Curie said 'Nothing is to be feared, only understood.' Life is about the trip and it is best to prepare yourself (while you are young) so it will be a more rewarding experience. Death is always looking over our shoulder; so have some fun in the meantime, every day above ground is good. bfn - Wayne :) (keep up your exercise routine!)
Kenny!
ReplyDeleteI think the point of living is to impact others in a positive way--or at least it should be.
There's nothing wrong with fearing death, just don't fear life in the process.
I know, I know, I need to take my own advice.
-Dean