This was me no more than two-three years ago. Can you believe it?
Back then, I thought I was fat and ugly. I was ashamed of being surrounded by big groups of people (e.g., parties, eating out, going to the mall) because I was ashamed of being seen. I was ashamed of myself.
I took pictures to compensate for how I perceived myself. I thought that if I could take a few pictures that others would perhaps find attractive, they could convince me that I was attractive. Yes, the pictures I took were nice, but inside I still felt ugly and undeserving. I realized that even if I could change every physical aspect of me, the ugliness I perceived would not change. What I saw was not the problem, but how I saw it.
Now that a few years have passed, the person in the picture seems like a separate entity from me. A person whose attractiveness I can appreciate. I wish I could be that person again. Perhaps I am still this person. Perhaps nothing has changed. I just wish that the beauty I can now see in my past is something I can appreciate in my present self. Maybe, just maybe, in some time, I will look back and appreciate the person sitting in front of this computer. However, I really want to look at myself in the present moment and see the beauty in what is now.
You are gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteThe best attitude to have is to always strive for self-improvement both mentally and physically. It requires self-discipline and setting aside the time for it. Education, social life, exercise, proper diet, and avoiding addictive substances; really quite simple. Look good for your age and who you are, that is all anyone can do but it requires dedication. You're certainly not fat or ugly and you do have potential. It's all about lifestyle. Be sure to get out and enjoy the rest of the summer! bfn - Wayne :)
ReplyDeleteI always thought I was ugly when I was in high school. It came from my insane mother who thought it was a sin for anyone to be happy with themselves. I've since had people tell me I was one of the handsomest boys in the school. When I look back at the very few pictures taken of me, I think they were right. I also had fantastic grades and test scores- top 1%-- but I was never allowed to feel good about that.
ReplyDeleteIt is time for you to discard all the hate and stupidity.
None of us can go back, but all of us have to go forward. Change your future and realize that you are bright and handsome and deserving of happiness.
Here I was hoping you were some physically unattractive piece of shit who hides behind words, sigh.
ReplyDeleteYou are fucking hot. And I'm hoping that helps you find the grass is greenest it's ever going to be.
You can post a current pic too. We'll give you an unbiased appraisal.
ReplyDeleteKenny!
ReplyDeleteI think you're obsessing over this way too much.
You're hardly fat....at all. Just the opposite.
You know from our conversation that I think little of myself too.
It's a process we all must go through.
Try to focus less on what you look like and more on what you can do.
(((HUGS))) to you!
-Dean