The End of my Teen Years

Well, I'm officially no longer a teenager. Yes, today, Friday, December 31st, 2010 is my twentieth birthday. I have to admit that even though I don't feel any different, I do feel somewhat nostalgic. It has been about seven years since I became a teenager. In retrospect, so much has happened in the past decade; events occurred which had permanent effects on who I am and the direction that my life is currently set on.

Since my birthday is the same day as New Year's Eve, it definitely makes me think back to the closing year at greater magnification than others would. I think back to how I have changed, what I have learned, what I have done, and what I expect to accomplish before my next birthday and before the upcoming year is over. It's not only a matter of a year being over in terms of the calendar year, but for me it is also an age that has come to a close, and another that is still unwritten. 

Looking forward, a decade doesn't seem like a long time, but looking back, so much has happened. In a sense, I imagine it as if I see the next ten years a block away, whereas the past ten is on the other side of town. I guess here's a chronicle of the most important events of my teen years.

Thirteen - I admitted to myself that I am gay. At first I told myself and my friends that I was bisexual, but after a few weeks, I just said, "To hell with it...," and fully came out.

Fourteen - Entered my first year of high school. Lost my virginity and had my first kiss (same guy, same night) two days before Christmas and eight days before my fifteenth birthday (never heard back from the guy).

Fifteen - Emotional limbo. Where I feel I had lost myself and my motivation for life. I had reached a fork in the road at this age and I unfortunately chose the wrong path.

Sixteen - Didn't get my driver's license.

Seventeen - The second time I had ever had sex; my first time was also my last before this point. Got my first job, ever. Met my first ever boyfriend, Brian (not the same person as the one I had my absolute second sexual experience with).

Eighteen - Became a legal adult. Got my driver's license. Entered my first year of college. Hit rock bottom, where the school was worried that I would commit suicide. Came out to my parents or more like they confronted me about my sexuality. Smoked weed for the first time.

Nineteen - The last of my teenage years. Finally accepted the past and settled my past regrets. Regained the will to live that I had once lost. Truly realized my identity as an independent person.

In what I've written, it doesn't seem as if much has happened in the past seven years. On the contrary, a lot has; a sum of 2,555 days (give or take a few days) had come to pass and each one was as equally important as the other. It's the small moments, those that even I cannot describe in words, which make life so overwhelmingly significant. Each second that has come to past, and certainly those to come, has impacted my very existence somehow. Each second of our existence, in action or inaction, gives perpetuating legitimacy to who we are.

I guess I should just give the past decade a quiet smile of acknowledgment and give a welcome nod to the years to come.

Happy 20th Birthday to me and Happy New Years to everyone else.
KC