College Student: Laziness, Procrastination, and Everything Else in Between

I'm broke. I'm a broke college student. Why am I a broke college student? With quitting my job in food service along with my unchanged rate/pace of consumption, no wonder.

I previously wrote about my foolish and impulsive spending. Since then, I don't really think I've stopped. With Black Friday recently passing, who can blame me? Myself, of course. In any case, it wasn't even the Black Friday spending that is digging my financial hole; I only spent $20 towards my Black Friday shopping. Sex & the City Season 6: Part 1 and 2? Hell yea, I wasn't going to let such an opportunity pass me by! Of course I went online to buy the fifth season the day after, so make that $30. I'm buying the seasons in reverse order (I find the later seasons to be fat more entertaining). Agh, too much consumption, not much earning (if at all).

As you all know, I am determined on going to Rome for a semester next year. I guess I should reflect on said determination and reinforce it. I still feel myself slacking. I had quit my job in food service a few months ago because I said I wanted to focus on volunteer and academic work. Where am I now? No job, no volunteer work, and I have a few papers to write that are due at the end of this week.

I'm insane, lazy, a procrastinator, definitely. It seems as if my productive effort rises and falls with my workload (i.e. the less work I have, the less I actually do). Why can't it stay at a constant rate where the less work I have, the faster I get things done and the more time I actually have to improve? I'd rather have my spending directly reflect my financial state and have my productiveness stay at a constant level no matter what, not the other way around. I can't take on a job or even do volunteer work if I can't stay on top of the workload I have now. I have friends that work thirty hours a week and have academic work to go along with that. What am I doing? Watching television shows over the internet, masturbating, cooking, eating, or shopping. Quite shameful. I need to be more productive.

So what's wrong with me? Do I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) where I can't sit still and I must always be doing something stimulating (more stimulating than reading a book)? Or am I just lazy? Before I attempt to attach an external cause to my problem, I should see what I'm doing wrong. I have the time to finish all my work in a timely manner, but I always push things to the last minute. I hate to say it, but it gives me a rush of excitement when I'm under pressure, I feel more focused when the clock is ticking, but of course it doesn't lead to my best work. I don't feel motivated. I feel obligated more than anything else, and I guess that sense of obligation is what's driving me, which isn't the most efficient source of productive effort. But what can I do to internally motivate myself? Think of Italy, the relief I'd feel when I finish work on time, or the certain decrease in frequency of the stressful on-edge state I am always in?

At this point, I feel so overwhelmed when I quickly think about the work I have to finish within a week's time. But of course, this wouldn't have happened if I had always stayed on task. Well, there's no time like the present to accomplish that, is there?