La Dolce Vita

"Once the Present has come to Past, there is no need to question it. What you choose for yourself at this very moment is not bound by time occurred." 

So I just finished watching Under the Tuscan Sun. I always viewed this movie as the ideal for how I wish to live my life. There is a specific character in the movie by the name of Catherine who tells the protagonist that she shouldn't lose the child within herself, that innocence that keeps us laughing and seeing hope in life. I couldn't help but smile throughout the film. I felt a true connection with the idea of living in a place like Italy, perhaps Tuscany specifically.

I've never been to Italy, but perhaps that should be my goal: visit, live, love in Italy. For the past few years I've been taking French and I thought that I might as well continue with it through college. My reason for this? Simply thinking of the regret of how I have possibly spent six or so years of my life learning a language I no longer have passion for. Perhaps I should take that as a sign and run with it. The fact that I can outright say that I no longer have a passion for the French language, it's time to move on. I guess I can relate that to other situations in life (i.e. love, friendships, work, etc.). As I said above, "Once the Present has come to Past, there is no need to question it. What you choose for yourself at this very moment is not bound by time occurred." When you're committed to something with no passion or genuine belief in what you're doing, it loses meaning, it becomes worthless.

What has already occurred is now a matter of fact, but the future, even the present for that matter, is still left for us to mold. Why let the past guide our future? By looking to the past and keeping ourselves on the same path because of the fear of regret, we only keep ourselves in fear, and we come to resent our whole being for it. Somewhere, somehow, I feel as if I've regained my personal muse. I now feel a desire for something, a desire to truly live. I've finally decided that I will go to Italy by the Winter/Spring of 2012 and spend my second semester of junior year in Rome. I will put French aside for now and take on Italian. If French is the language of love, then Italian must be the language of passionate love. 

Some might see the decisions I've made or will make as foolish, but that's life. This is how I see life. This is how I want to live life. I don't want to live believing that either I will find satisfaction in what I have or it's just the inevitable misfortune I was fatefully dealt with. I don't believe that. I want to live with hope, with desire, with passion. I truly do believe that I've once again found that inspiration to live. It wasn't a momentous moment by any superficial standards, but inside me I feel that I've find a piece I needed, but did not know. 

I can't look back. I don't want regret or doubts to stop me. This is one of those moments when I truly have to grab a hold of myself and believe. I must have faith.