Starving College Student

Sometimes I wonder how that "identity" is defined, to be a starving college student. Literally it's defined as a college-aged kid who has financial limitations that makes it difficult for them to purchase certain necessities. But then I wonder, from my own experiences and from those I see around me, do we put ourselves in this situation more than we are externally put in it? It seems so easy to accept the implication that it's a situation that we are put into without choice, but then I reflect on the choices I make and how my priorities are pretty screwed up.

To start off, I can spend about $30-$40 on groceries per week and it would actually be a pretty good deal if I'm smart about it. For $30-$40 I could buy a few non-perishable goods that would actually be more nutritious compared to the food they serve on campus (e.g., rice, beans, poultry, vegetables, etc.). Unfortunately, instead of spending money on food, I often find myself spending money on shit I don't necessarily need nor would these things benefit me (e.g., alcohol, tobacco, extra clothing/accessories, etc.). It's quite sad that I hesitate on the purchases that are ultimately beneficial and necessary for me, yet I don't give it a second thought when I buy alcohol or a pair of gloves (when I already have a pair). So in a sense, I'm a starving college student by a matter of unwise and regrettable choices.

Let's take last night for example. I spent ~$32 on a pair of H&M gloves, ~$7 on McDonald's, $10 for a cup for "unlimited alcohol", and ~$6 on Burger King. Overall, I spent ~$55 on shit I could have lived without. That $55 and so cents could have been used in much wiser and more beneficial ways. Is it buyer's remorse? Perhaps. And I wonder, why don't I give such purchases a second thought? No one's pressuring me to buy these things, yet I find myself doing so. When I try to reflect on it, I can't help but think how it may be connected to my self-esteem. I now believe that somehow my unwise purchases legitimize my self-worth in the eyes of others and in turn, in my own eyes.

I want to change this habit of mine. It sucks that I keep on looking back and regretting my purchases from last night and how foolish I have been with my money, but there's nothing more I can do other than move on forward. I need to keep in mind past actions/behaviors that I regret and put in the conscious effort to prevent them. I literally am a poor college student, but to consider me starving is a little too extreme. As a poor college student who has wants and desires greater than getting shit-faced a few nights or so a month (such as going to Italy for my Spring semester of junior year), I need to put the conscious effort in setting my priorities straight.

Perhaps getting a job would help too instead of solely depending on the $200 that my parents give me every 3-4 weeks. Perhaps I should keep that in mind as well, the fact that I'm wasting my parents' money so haphazardly without acknowledging the fact that such a monetary amount could be used for a greater necessity than my immediate, impulsive wants.