For the past few days I've just been hibernating. This past week I have done nothing but watch television, eat, and sleep (excessively). Frankly, I feel guilty for not posting a blog in the past few days. I don't know whether it's because I just don't have anything to write about or I've just given up.
I often find myself struggling uphill in order to initiate a task (e.g., blogging, exercise, completing my study abroad essay) unless I get a surge of inspiration from something external; once I've actually gotten myself started, the momentum helps me complete the tasks at hand. I find this to be an unhealthy process because I am always tempted to just do nothing; I'm simply not a motivated person and I don't know how to change that. I want to be a motivated, task-oriented, and to actually get things done. I hate being pressed for time and that sense of pressure often being the only thing that pushes me to complete a task. I want to be driven by my own will and desire, not by some external stimuli or catalyst.
I've come to acknowledge goals to reach for that should fuel my determination and motivation to move forward in the world, yet it seems to not be enough. I'm afraid that this uncertainty in pressing on towards the future will lead to my very downfall. I have dreams, yet I doubt myself. This disbelief that lurks in shadows of my conscious mind seems to have an unmeasurable hold on me. I want to go to Italy next year, I want to have the (realistically fit) body I had always wanted, I want to succeed in school, I want to find a career that works for me. Unfortunately, I find myself so overwhelmed by the challenges that are keeping me from attaining those things; I'm tempted to just give up. It seems as if sleep and simple distractions have become a quick fix. Obviously, they're not actually fixing anything. Instead, they're distracting me from the guilt of being afraid of taking on the challenges before me. I'm leading myself to failure by simply not taking an active role in my life. What can I do? How can I fix this?
Resilience is the word that has been coming to mind recently; to be able to pick oneself up and try again may be the answer for me. Can I do it? Can I be resilient whilst having self-doubts still lurking in my mind? How can I conquer my own reflection?
Sometimes I feel like I am hibernating the whole winter lol. But I find that if I make the effort to get in an hour's exercise every day it helps my mood a lot. Even though it is winter I still get out on my freeride bike (the tires are like snow tires and grip pretty good.) for an hour in the afternoon when it is a little warmer. Or I put the winter boots on and go for a short hike through the woods.(you can see all the animal tracks in the snow!) I also do a push-up/sit-up routine every couple of days.
ReplyDelete-Maybe it is a matter of organising your time and sticking to it. Young guys your age love to laze around and sleep a lot, and all the screens and techno-gadgets do not help. I think daily exercise would be extremely helpful for you; just go out and walk briskly or jog after your classes are done for the day before supper. Remember the body always feels lazy for about 10min until it gets revved up. The idea is to achieve fast hearbeat, breathing, and sweating! Fast blood circulation opens up the veins and arteries and you feel great after. If you stick to a routine you will find that after a few days the body responds and gets stronger with better endurance and also the soreness goes away. The human body is designed for running and exercise, and gets lazy and degenerates with disuse. I feel so alive when I exercise and look forward to the high it gives me; I am actually surprised at what I can do at my age because I make exercise a part of my lifestyle, and I won't let a few temporary aches and pains hold me back. I have the blood pressure of a healthy young guy and little body fat. Paying attention to diet and proper quality food is the other part of good health.
It is lifestyle change over months and years that get results, not looking for an easy over-night fix.
-I guess self-dicipline is the word. Schedule your time to get your study and socialising done so you can be in bed for a solid 8hrs sleep every night at the same time every night. Don't ignore your cave-man genes; you are programmed for a long deep sleep during the night. Too many young guys stay up till 2 or 3 at night and then get up for classes at 7. And one wonders why they are not motivated.
-Also don't psyche yourself out worrying about the future and blowing fears out of proportion. It is your cave-man genes fooling you again cos we all seem to dwell on anxieties and foreboding too much. I envy people who clunk along through life like Homer Simpson lol. You are obviously a bright guy and you can indeed be confident of completing your education and getting employment. Your concerns and issues are common with most young people around your age so you have lots of company. Resilience and self-dicipline (and a decent night's sleep every night) will do the trick, and remember it DOES take deliberate effort for all of us to get going! I hope my suggestions are of some help. bfn - Wayne :)(and you never know when a bf will show up)
I wish there was a forest near me, I'd love to give hiking a try. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, your suggestions are quite helpful. I'll try to apply them as soon as I can. Honestly, I'm actively trying NOT to find a bf. lol.
The weird thing about me is that I cannot get a good solid 8 hours of sleep. At most, I can sleep for 6 solid hours and the other two are often afternoon naps; I'm weird like that.
As a college student, it's really hard to get fresh, high quality food, unfortunately.
As soon as I get back to school I'll try to cook up some exercise and nutrition regimen.
If you look at the big picture, of course it's daunting.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I have a big coding assignment to do, I just imagine the future where I already finished the assignment. I try to convince myself that I already did my work on that time plane, so all I need to do to get there is to start and finish it. It's a weird way to think, but it makes me motivated/excited to work. Imagining a future in which I live with the finished product is relieving. To think that it's in my ability to finish helps relieve doubt.
Im not that motivated of a person either, but I can push myself to do things. Possibly you just need to have passion in the goal. Knowing yourself and your abilities definitely helps. Periods of wavering is, in my opinion, the weakest position a person can have because that person has no strongheld idea; they can easily be swept away. Harboring self doubts can be OK only if those doubts dont hinder your decision making. Taking a leap anyway despite self doubts is a gamble; just make sure every step is self assured anyway.
And dont make writing/blogging like work! Blog as you please; no one wants a filler post just because of time. It's always good to take a rest.
If you have the desire and/or know its good for you, thats half the battle. The keap is up to you. Logical thinking can help here to override your self doubt. At least thats my suggestion.